Two portforlios - one creative writing, the other lifewriting and a book review - two essays and two exams - on British Cinema and Textual Analysis.
For many, this is not alot. For me, on the otherhand, I have just been struck (as though by lightening) how much this is....particularly if you include the reading that is needed to be involved. So I settled down at my lappy top (this is the name for my laptop) to at least attempt some creative and: nothing. Nought. Nada and other 'n' words that mean Oh God why can't I think of anything to put down on this nice blank screen????!.
I hate this. It's so annoying. I've reread some of the stuff I've written and cannot fathom how I came up with any of it. Also I feel sick.....that's probably my fault for smoking too much and not drnking enough water though.
If there are any cures for a mind block of the creative kind please send them my way. Pigeon, telepathy or simply by the royal mail I really don't mind. I am also open to wide variety of ideas :)
...and by this I mean I stay awake all night and sleep all day (oh and there's the occasional blood sucking incident but I wont go into that). What I was supposed to be doing was writing a story. What I ended up doing for a large portion of the night was helping my sister with her art project and covering my face in makeup before proceeding to stick it in dough. Or maybe that was just Maddy being abusive?? Who knows.
My mum keeps buying me left handed things which I dont quite understand, for instance a left handed calender. I didnt understand how this would work, but then my friend suggested maybe it was just a calender with pictures of left hands. This made perfect sense to me and we concluded that, if this wasnt the case, then we would make them and I bet they'd sell like hotcakes. Hotter.
Well....I would buy one.
My mum also bought me a book by Proust (I've wanted to read something by him ever since Little Miss Sunshine and the suicidal brother in it) which, whilst elated about, the negative side of me points out that I will probably never read it as I am not reading at the moment. This upsets me. I use to be voracious reader. I still havent even finished Havemercy, to my greatest of shames.
Ah well. Back to writing about 'what would happen if devils and angels went to school' and 'Nova: the tramp with no shoes'.
I hope everyone on sweet lj is fine and dandy :)
I really wish I was blessed with better concentration. For the past few days I have sat at the computer telling myself to do the work I've been set (1,500 analysis of a poem, a piece of prose and or 2-4 poems). Naturally all thats happened is I've ended up on the internet.
I've started the story....but have just been hit by a wave of writers block (but naturally re-reading Master of Ravens over and over again will cure this).
It's in for tomorrow.
Right. Back to work.
...Im having one of those moments where I just want to curl up into a ball and just stop for a few minutes...
Today was rather traumatic.
I should've realised that this was going to be one of my more socially awkward days when I was all clumsy this morning asking the cleaner if she wanted a cup of coffee.
Basically I went to Alicia's English lesson (as I had missed last weeks one and we have the same teacher) and spent a large amount of this lesson looking like a very, very stupid person.
Mistake one: Getting Christopher Reeves and Harold Shipman mixed up in my head.
The rather more dire Mistake two: Voicing this out loud
Mistake three: counting the number of words per line in a poem, thus having to face acute criticisms from the teacher (who is mad in a Morrijones type way....but slightly more skitzerphrenic??). I did point this could be necessary to consider if we were thinking structually, which he agreed but said I should thought about the syllables then instead (aaaaaaaaaaack!)
Mistake four: getting my stresses, when we looked at stresses in poems, wrong. So wrong. Just plain wrong.
Mistake five: making a dippy comment on a Carol Ann Duffy poem (of course it would be about pediaphila)
I also dont think he liked my poem 'Ghost' for it's simple rhymning technique. Ironically I realised halfway through the lesson, that I should've given him the one in which I spent hours thinking about the structure (as opposed to the one I knocked up in five minutes) but because it ended up being on three pages, I got scared as he might have said it was too long.
This sounds like I hate him. I dont. He's insane so naturally I hold nothing but love for him and his grey jumpers and stories on killing his hamsters when he was a wee barn....I just had a bad lesson and wished there was a way in which I could make myself less willing to talk.
I have also spent trimillion in primark. Which I feel only fleeting feelings of guilt, but mostly there is smugness.
Today feels like a good day.
The weather outside is my favourite kind. Blustery with blue skies and Autumn leaves. I slept in so late today, largely because some my firends watched IT. I had to walk out quite early on in the film because my mind was in one of those buzzing moods where it was going to dwell on things. Sure enough, having woken up at five in the morning because my mouth was dry (and rather oddly...sticky??), all I could think about was the glimpses of scary clowns I had seen. Then I thought I heard knocking on my door and was unable to return to sleep for a good hour or so.
What can I say? Im not the greatest with scary films ^^
Anyway, as I may have mentioned a trillion kazillion bonbillion times, I have been reading alot of manga lately. An unhealthy amount you might say, when what I really need to read are classics, epics, anything that does not have some sort of fantastical element and addresses all of lifes issues. But Im not for now....hopefully.
Anyways, I've been reading this one where the plot revolves around a Victorianish setting, a twelve year old boy and his demon butler, the occasional solving of crimes. Then, just briefly, there is this one really fantastic character who is completely off his rocker! Well this may not account for anything as there are plenty of the characters who are, but that is besides the point as this particular fellow eats dogs biscuits and owns a rather impressive set of nails.( Because Im a geekCollapse )( Because he is strangely beautifulCollapse )( Because he eats dog biscuitsCollapse )( Because he is known only as Mr UndertakerCollapse )
Today I had a whole day free which should have been spent writing the kazillion amount of poems I've been told to write, or descruffing that stack of notes that are somewhere on the floor, or perhaps doing a bit of essential reading or anything constructive really...instead I chose to read manga for the good part of the morn. For the latter part of the day I searched for as many gay/fangirlish/manga related icons (and I wonder why my wee brain is rotting slowly away) to proudly display on my LJ.
Then I fiddled around with my moods to see if I could change them to something a little bit more new and exciting....finally having nothing better to do I realised that this would be an opportune moment to write an entry in good ol' LJ. Something I havent done in so long my blog has actually gathered virtual cobwebs and dust.
Well right now Im in Hull which has it's highs and lows. I dont get homesick as such but the depths of just how flaming unsociable I am has just reached an all new...high? Low? Basically I've only gone out onto town around twice, and been drunk one or two times more. This sounds terrible but there are simply times, well are large number of times, when I simply want to not talk to anyone and be a geek staring at my computer reading about folks who can Butler like no Bulter has ever Butlered before. It's not that I dont like talking to people or that I hate everyone in my block...Im just quite a bit lazy.
The sky's so beautiful here and all the boys are a little bit randy (exceptionly disconcerting for the first few days as they all seemed to have watched too much tv and think that in freshers week girls just throw themselves at any walking penis they see, have orgies every night and experiment all the time). There is a guy upstairs who likes to play the guitar lots and lots and lots and lots and lots....sometimes he just never stops. The food here is always exciting because it's either nice or questionable. English lectures are very, very good (the whole two I've had so far) whilst FIlm Studies is good if your a fortunate soul who understands what crazy timestable they are going by.
Well thats Hull so far and this has been a lazy entry. Bonsoir!
So this day been something of a disaster for me, and reminded me quite sternly that I can never sort these type of things out.....leading to this strange complex to arise in me, where I thus tear off my shirt and roar to the heavens above in my most emasculated manner 'I CAN'T DO THIS! I CAN'T DO ANYTHING! WHAT THE RUDDY HELL IS WRONG WITH ME'.
Failing to get an answer screaming to the heavens above, laden with the knowledge that what I really needed to do was not tear off my shirt, not scream, not shout and certainly not go on deviantart for hours and hours sorting through my deviwatch and depressing my self further; but what I really ought to do is ring student finance again...I buggered off for a nap. It was a planned nap. 'Two hours' I so fool heartily told myself 'Two hours and then I will try the secret passwords again (this was what was belaying my process in sorting out the much needed, and most special loans of mine) but (alas!) I slept for a good four. Not a good four hours. No raindrops and roses were involved. Instead I woke feeling ill and guilty about sleeping too long, and discovered that now there is no way in HELL (well maybe in hell but certainly no way in the most hellish place on earth!) that I could ring student finance now because....it closes at eight.
Now everything is successfully and constructively getting on my nerves: from this jumper which I put on to make me feel better even though its far too hot, to the fact that we making pasta tonight and I have to cut an onion when all I want to do is eat toast and cheese.
Also I have avoided writing a blog in a while because I wanted to write something cheerful....damn.